Midlife crisis? I never thought of it until I realized I had it. I had to look it up on Google, and to my relief, I am not alone! There are tons of people on the planet right now that’s experiencing the same thing I do. At first, I thought I was just lonely, but how can I? I have everything I need. I have a family, a kind husband, two beautiful kids, and they both go to a decent school. We own our place downtown, and I have a job! How can I?
It all started when I attended my cousin’s wedding. Growing up, we both went to the same school. He was younger than me, but he was the closest I had as a brother because I was the only child. I know all of his friends back in grade school up until high school who are the same group of kids or guys. We kind of parted ways in college, but I still get updated through social media. I watched him grow into a fine man.
One afternoon, my eldest daughter came running with an envelope, “Mom, you have a mail from Uncle Brad!” She exclaimed excitedly. I opened the letter, and it was an invitation to his wedding. “Oh, he’s getting married?” I said to myself. I always thought him to be that kid next door.
The wedding day came, and I didn’t pay so much effort in how I looked. I just wore the same dress I did on the last corporate party I attended. I came alone as I thought it’d be quick. I never made it to the ceremony, but it was okay. I wasn’t part of the entourage anyway.
Nobody was by the door, so I opened it myself, and I was stunned. It was like entering a time portal. Everyone was there, and I mean all the kids I remember running in the hallway back in grade school, except they looked tougher, smarter, and strikingly better. I found my seat, and I sat next to this girl I knew, but I forgot her name. She was pregnant with John, who I heard was an engineer already. Imagine that! He was just a wimpy kid back then. They owned a big house on the other side of town.
I couldn’t focus on what was happening around me. So many questions were hovering above my head. How come most of these people seemed to have become what they wanted to be? How come they did better in life? What could I have done wrong? What could have caused me to be in a job that pays the bills but had never really made me happy?
I read that when you reach 30, you’re entering second adolescence. Identifying yourself even with your closest friends is hard. It is the time when some are married, and some are not; some have kids, and some don’t; some are successful, and some are bum. It is the time in our lives when we are almost there, but we’re not sure where “there” is. Not everyone was sure of what we wanted to be back when we were in our 20s, and I have to say I was one of them.
I read that I have to seek professional help to figure out what’s causing this self-doubt and depression I feel inside. It’s strange to talk about this with a stranger, but I think I’ll give it a try. I’m having mood swings and anxiety at night. I think this is messing up my relationship with my husband and affecting my kids tremendously. I also read that this could hinder one’s success in life. I should give it a try!
Am I having a midlife crisis?
- Could this be the reason I get upset with small things and yell at my kids as if they did something terrible?
- Could this be the reason why I wanted to leave my job for the nth time but I couldn’t because we have bills to pay?
- Could this be the reason why I wanted to go to the gym and bought tons of makeup which I don’t use?
- Could this be the reason why I keep asking for a “me time” but don’t feel much different when I do?
- Could this be the reason why my husband annoys me with every little thing he does and makes me wonder if I married the right person?
I’m 30, and I’m having a midlife crisis!