Coming Out Triumphant From An Abusive Relationship

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When you are in an abusive relationship, you are most often emotionally broken and drained of your self-confidence, not only half-empty but perhaps with only drops left before you lose the empowered woman that you once were. However, there are coping strategies that can help you deal with the verbal and emotional abuse in marriage or any relationship. You can slowly learn to manage your partner’s manipulative behavior and soon regain your power over your life.

 

Here is a list of tips that have been used by abuse survivors and have been proven to be effective in healing and success.

 

  • Start Your Statements With ‘I.’ In communicating with your partner, own what you say. Speak to your partner in a civil and decent manner, but do not in any way respond to threats, demands, and allegations. You can assert what you want to say, like, “I will not allow you to yell at me while I’m inside the car with you,” or, “I can’t take your rude behavior anymore, and I won’t tolerate it any longer.” You must let your abusive partner know that you know how to protect and take care of yourself.

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  • Draw Your Boundaries. Just as your partner has his boundaries, you must have them too. Boundaries are what keep you safe and sane. It’s how you know that things have gone overboard when your partner (or any person for that matter) has crossed over the lines that you have drawn for your privacy. You may be responsible for keeping your partner or your family happy and healthy, but you must keep yourself safe and happy too. So if it feels like you’ve been drained of your energy, time, and effort for others, it’s time that you spread that list of boundaries and let them know you need your space as well.

 

  • Don’t Make Excuses For Your Abusive Partner. Initially, you might make some kind of excuse for his behavior. “Perhaps if I will show him more love, he’ll change.” “Maybe I need to be a little more patient with him.” If your partner is an abuser, there is nothing you can do to change that unless he changes for himself. The best thing you can do for both of you is to break the cycle, end the usual sequence, and leave.

 

  • Feed Your Soul With Good Things. Read your favorite books and listen to your favorite music. Go to the beach and contemplate about your life. Feed your soul with the good stuff to replace the negativity that you are getting from your abusive relationship. Find time to feel self-love and self-appreciation. Only then will you be able to have the strength to win over the abuse.

 

  • Don’t Let The Abuse Rust You Out. When a faucet drips today and it can be fixed with a simple tape, that’s great. But if the damage of the faucet is so big that the drip keeps going on and on for a month or a year, this will soon rust the pipes and it will be impossible to keep the water from dripping or gushing out from the faucet. Your abusive partner can do this to you – rust you out by his continuing demands, ridicules, blames, and allegations. Leave while you can still be fixed.

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You have the power to come out triumphant from your abusive relationship. Being a victim today doesn’t mean you’ll stay a victim for the rest of your life. Regain your power by first loving yourself, realizing the strength you have, and believing that you have the power to be happy.

 

 

 

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Forgiving Others Empowers You

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Forgiving someone is probably one of the hardest things we can do. It is a selfless act that requires compassion, which is why we should try to learn it. Your most hated person may not deserve your forgiveness, but the point is that you don’t deserve to be trapped in revenge and resentment, and ultimately damage our mental and emotional well-being.

Forgiving Others At Work

We’ve had our fair share of co-workers or bosses who were rude and demanding. Some are there just to exist to annoy you or destroy your reputation by telling fake stories about you. I’ve had the awful experience of getting bullied by my boss a few years back. He would shout at me to get my attention and ask me for a cup of coffee even though I was doing something important. His feedback about my work was usually, “You did terribly,” or, “Was that your best?” I couldn’t even argue or question his feedback.

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Silently, I would forgive him for everything, and I built strength and resilience through forgiveness. Eventually, I told him how much I appreciated his efforts to challenge me and help me become better, and for the opportunity to work with his team. And then I left the company. I left with more confidence in myself and more strength to face even the worst challenges.

Forgiving From The Heart – Not From The Mind

The first purpose for forgiving my boss was to free myself from the darkness that hatred and resentment can do to one’s heart. I refused to be a slave to someone’s unreal opinion of who I am. I also wanted to show others that conflict and other difficult situations can be fixed through forgiveness.

If I had thought about the act of forgiving my boss, I think I wouldn’t have been able to do it. I would have thought, “Why would I simply forgive him for allowing me to think negatively about myself and hurting me this way?” That is exactly why one should not use the mind to forgive. Forgiveness must not come from the mind but the heart – because it is in your heart that you feel the self-love and compassion. What my boss did to me was my boss’ behavior, not mine. Who knows? My forgiveness might be a way for him to learn the value of forgiveness.

Forgiveness Is A Choice To Be Empowered

Victor Frankl states that man has a choice, despite the most dreadful circumstances, to forgive to liberate himself.

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In any kind of workplace, conflict cannot be avoided because people commit errors and mistakes. It is vital to accept your misgivings if you are at fault. It is healthy for a company to encourage its employees, particularly its leaders, to be strong enough to find ways to forgive and create strict boundaries that help avoid repeated violations. Leaders, like executives and company heads, who show responsibility and the ability to forgive are most likely capable of creating a better and more constructive future for their team and the rest of the company as a whole.

 

 

 

 

How Productive People Overcome Stress

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These days, it is almost impossible to be a successful professional and not experience moderate to severe stress at frequent points of your life. Yes, all successful people suffer from it (even those who aren’t successful). It’s just that some have mastered the skill of dealing with and overcome stress.

Below is a list of some known effective strategies for overcoming stress when it strikes you at home, in the workplace, or just about anywhere you may be.

  • Learn To Be Compassionate With Yourself. When you learn to see your mistakes with understanding and compassion, you become less pressured, less anxious, and less depressed. Ultimately, people who typically show self-compassion are more productive than those who aren’t. Most people think that they need to push themselves too much to be the best, but in the long run, it turns out that they are wrong, and they don’t perform their best when they do not cut themselves some slack. Having self-compassion when you’re at your worst can tremendously reduce stress and in fact, improve your performance.

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  • Don’t Break Your Routines. We usually tend to be stressed when we are nearing a deadline or asked to preside an emergency meeting, or about to talk to the head of your company. The mental tension is overwhelming! But productive people claim that you can reduce the tension and the decisions you have to make when you stick to your routines. If you have a daily routine, stick to it, so that you can have room for the new events and decisions you have to make when they come. If you’re used to wearing blue in a meeting, don’t break this routine by having to decide if you should wear red or gray. If you’re used to eating a tuna salad for lunch, order tuna salad before talking with your boss. At least that’s all you need to be ready for, and you won’t have to use your brain to decide about what to eat.
  • Always Have A Little Time Doing What You Love. When you do something you love, it doesn’t add to the stress, but it replenishes you, right? It adds energy to your day, no matter how much effort you need to put into it (it can be effortless too). If you regularly go to the gym, walking on the treadmill for 20 minutes can be effortless routine to you, but perhaps if you run with your favorite music on, it’ll make the activity more interesting, and you learn to love going to the gym more. When you are more energized, you can use that energy to prepare yourself for more challenges.
  • Be An Optimist, Not A Perfectionist. When you have a perfectionist attitude, you tend to compare your work and your personality to others. When this happens, you begin to doubt your capacity to do things, creating more stress and anxiety. You don’t have to be perfect to be productive. You can think optimistically, learn the get-better outlook so that you compare yourself to no one but the previous version of you. How did you fair today? Are you better compared to how fair you did yesterday? This is one of the best ways to improve and motivate yourself to become better than you were.

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Try applying some or all of these techniques for overcoming stress, and you’ll experience real changes in the home, workplace, and all aspects of your life. These have worked wonders for many successful and productive professionals. Hope they work for you too!

 

 

 

Achieving Productivity Despite Stressful Situations

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Sometimes, even though we strive to do the best that we can to get to the top, grab that bonus, or achieve that promotion, we just have other important events coming up, family matters to attend to, and personal situations that need our time. No matter how much we have convinced ourselves that we are strong and resilient to negativity, the stress just gets the best of us.

But please don’t go berserk if and when this happens to you, because almost all studies have proven that stress is inevitable, but the effects that it can have on us aren’t. There are always ways that we can practice so that we don’t see stress as a threat but as, a challenge that can only help us become better, if not the best, version of ourselves.

Understand The Stress You Are In. If you are stressed because you’re about to be interviewed for a job, think about the opportunities for career advancement. If you’re anxious about a presentation, think about how the experience will help you improve in terms of interpersonal skills. Don’t think about how stressful the activity is but also include its purpose and its positive outcomes.

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Don’t Overwork The Brain. Studies suggest that when the brain is loaded with too much information, it becomes difficult for it to see the positive aspects, so don’t overwork it. For example, after you’ve showered, eaten, and dressed for work, you then get into your car to go to your office. Don’t turn on the radio yet. Or if you can’t resist listening to music in the car, just put it on low volume, so your brain won’t get ‘shocked’ with the quiet environment it was in while you were getting ready. Think of your brain if you want to see more of the positives in your life.

Get Enough Sleep And Don’t Starve Yourself. A popular acronym for four barriers to success is HALT: hungry, angry, lonely, tired. When you don’t get the sleep that you need, you lose the energy to get up and be excited to work efficiently. If you starve yourself, your sugar levels will drop, causing your mood to go haywire as well. So try to get a goodnight’s rest, eat when you’re hungry, don’t panic, and do talk to someone when you feel lonely or depressed. All these will go a long way to combatting stress negativity.

Project Success. When you’re up against a challenge in life, don’t think about how difficult it’s going to be. Think of it as another opportunity to achieve success, just as you did when you have succeeded so many times in your life. Remember that pessimism is a surefire way to be closer to failure.

Don’t Start With Zero. Experts suggest that for the brain to be stimulated to do things enthusiastically, you train it to recognize the progress you’ve done so far. For example, you have so much to do today that you don’t know how or where to start. But you’ve eaten your breakfast, dressed up, and have already made a few phone calls, so that’s progress for the day, right? Jot that down. This somehow speeds your brain up, and you are encouraged to accomplish the rest of your goals.

Final Thoughts

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Stress is not something that we should be afraid of but a challenge to be faced with resilience, positivity, patience, and some of these effective strategies that you learn to live by. With these weapons, you can be sure to achieve productivity if you want to, when you want to!